Journal

 broo its gonna snow soon apparently i hope it snows a lot and we finally get some days off school. my teacher said its very likely we gonna get monday off at least yayy. she had to cancel her trip to nyc bc of the impending snow and im scared cuz i have to drive on a day its gonna snow 😭driving in snow/ice is sooo ugh the car slides around everywhere and one time the car wouldnt break bc of the ice so i almost rolled over a red light 💀luckily i didnt tho 

also im thinking about cutting my own bangs at home chat should i do it or nah. my face is long so i want bangs but i feel like they never turn out good like other girls 😭

high school / friends

 today in english class we had to watch videos people made on a small list of questions. most people picked one where its essentially how high school affected you (i think). 

man it was so weird to see how normal people lived their high school lives 😭 bro everyone's videos were so inspirational and idk how to explain it. like poignant but with a positive connotation. talking about how they were a nervous freshman but found their group of people and stuff and became so self assured by senior year. everyone had sooo many photos of themselves with their friends, at school or events or just anywhere. i think i have like 5 photos of at school and its just random stuff 🥲

i cant believe this is how most people experienced high school 

i dont really feel jealous but its kinda sad when i think about how i made 0 friends at this damn school 💀this year i do have 1 person i sit at lunch with on certain days but i dont feel like i can really call her a real friend. kinda more like acquaintance. we arent even in the same grade either

even my brother who's a freshman effortlessly makes friends when he's kinda quiet like me too. he doesn't even want to be friends with most of them he just attracts people 😭 and my other brother is like a stereotypical ML in a manhwa bro he's so popular and all the girls have crushes on him. i dont wanna think all negative again but it truly feels like theres something inherently wrong with me sometimes💀

i did it omgz

 i finally got a mf job😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏ill be starting next week probs. bruhh i cant believe it i didnt even have to apply to a million places. the job is very customer-heavy so im kinda nervous cuz i gotta memorize a lot of things where im gonna work. and in my interview the store manager clocked me and said i seem like a shy person 💀bruhh hopefully this job fixes my shyness and i learn how to socialize. beforehand i asked and ppl said itll be like free therapy so yay 😭

also i think im the youngest person thats gonna work there bruh 🥀but hopefully i can get life advice or wtvr from my older coworkers. everyone at the store seems very nice so far 😇

lowkey tho i dont wanna work a lot bc its gonna eat up my free time and i have a lot of things i want to learn but whatever 😭working till 11pm gng 

buttt im already getting stuff from my new year resolutions done and january isnt even over!! employment here i come 

dying

this is a random topic but is anyone else comforted by the idea of su1cide 😭💔like whenever life feels too hard or i get hit with that overwhelming feeling of loneliness its just nice to think that theres always a way out if i really cant deal with it all anymore 💀idk 80% ill never do that but fantasizing about it is how i always coped whenever i felt hopeless and it really works😃

also i never really got people who are scared of death. i would be scared obviously if it was painful but otherwise i dont really care too much when ill die😭even if itll be soon. yeah theres a lot to live for but at the same time my life kinda pointless and empty so idk, idc that much. hope my mindset changes about this later on cuz rn im fr just a lonely & anxiety riddled person who goes to school and home most of the time😔trying to change that this year tho fingers crossed. bruhh if i dont improve at all this year im kms 

anyway honestly i really hope that once you die its just nothing a black void and you 100% cease to exist. no more worries or thoughts or anything. this would be the most peaceful and freeing option i could think of. but maybe being reincarnated as a tree or something would be cool 

(also i hate it but i dont know if ill get flagged/reported for saying certain words so censoring)

Animation oopsie

 I forgot to make one today. Tbh i'm already kinda busy and probably about to have no free time soon so i dont think imma do ts challenge every day anymore. im still gonna get to 100 days it just wont be every day posting 

j*b

 lowkey jealous of people in school who get jobs with their friends. i overhear multiple people talk about it,, friends who plan on working together or they invite their friend to their workplace and somehow get hired together

it would be way more fun/reassuring to work with a friend or someone you know 😓esp if its a boring and repetitive position. im gonna be so scared when i get a job bro😭💔talking to people and doing everything right and customers who will yell at you omfg.......

Day 10

All ts frames just for 1.8 seconds bruh SAVE ME