Journal

 broo its gonna snow soon apparently i hope it snows a lot and we finally get some days off school. my teacher said its very likely we gonna get monday off at least yayy. she had to cancel her trip to nyc bc of the impending snow and im scared cuz i have to drive on a day its gonna snow 😭driving in snow/ice is sooo ugh the car slides around everywhere and one time the car wouldnt break bc of the ice so i almost rolled over a red light 💀luckily i didnt tho 

today genuinely feels like a Friday I have to keep reminding myself there's school tomorrow 

also im thinking about cutting my own bangs at home chat should i do it or nah. my face is long so i want bangs but i feel like they never turn out good like other girls 😭

high school / friends

 today in english class we had to watch videos people made on a small list of questions. most people picked one where its essentially how high school affected you (i think). 

man it was so weird to see how normal people lived their high school lives 😭 bro everyone's videos were so inspirational and idk how to explain it. like poignant but with a positive connotation. talking about how they were a nervous freshman but found their group of people and stuff and became so self assured by senior year. everyone had sooo many photos of themselves with their friends, at school or events or just anywhere. i think i have like 5 photos of at school and its just random stuff 🥲

i cant believe this is how most people experienced high school 

i dont really feel jealous but its kinda sad when i think about how i made 0 friends at this damn school 💀this year i do have 1 person i sit at lunch with on certain days but i dont feel like i can really call her a real friend. kinda more like acquaintance. we arent even in the same grade either

even my brother who's a freshman effortlessly makes friends when he's kinda quiet like me too. he doesn't even want to be friends with most of them he just attracts people 😭 and my other brother is like a stereotypical ML in a manhwa bro he's so popular and all the girls have crushes on him. i dont wanna think all negative again but it truly feels like theres something inherently wrong with me sometimes💀

i did it omgz

 i finally got a mf job😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏ill be starting next week probs. bruhh i cant believe it i didnt even have to apply to a million places. the job is very customer-heavy so im kinda nervous cuz i gotta memorize a lot of things where im gonna work. and in my interview the store manager clocked me and said i seem like a shy person 💀bruhh hopefully this job fixes my shyness and i learn how to socialize. beforehand i asked and ppl said itll be like free therapy so yay 😭

also i think im the youngest person thats gonna work there bruh 🥀but hopefully i can get life advice or wtvr from my older coworkers. everyone at the store seems very nice so far 😇

lowkey tho i dont wanna work a lot bc its gonna eat up my free time and i have a lot of things i want to learn but whatever 😭working till 11pm gng 

buttt im already getting stuff from my new year resolutions done and january isnt even over!! employment here i come 

dying

this is a random topic but is anyone else comforted by the idea of su1cide 😭💔like whenever life feels too hard or i get hit with that overwhelming feeling of loneliness its just nice to think that theres always a way out if i really cant deal with it all anymore 💀idk 80% ill never do that but fantasizing about it is how i always coped whenever i felt hopeless and it really works😃

also i never really got people who are scared of death. i would be scared obviously if it was painful but otherwise i dont really care too much when ill die😭even if itll be soon. yeah theres a lot to live for but at the same time my life kinda pointless and empty so idk, idc that much. hope my mindset changes about this later on cuz rn im fr just a lonely & anxiety riddled person who goes to school and home most of the time😔trying to change that this year tho fingers crossed. bruhh if i dont improve at all this year im kms 

anyway honestly i really hope that once you die its just nothing a black void and you 100% cease to exist. no more worries or thoughts or anything. this would be the most peaceful and freeing option i could think of. but maybe being reincarnated as a tree or something would be cool 

(also i hate it but i dont know if ill get flagged/reported for saying certain words so censoring)

Animation oopsie

 I forgot to make one today. Tbh i'm already kinda busy and probably about to have no free time soon so i dont think imma do ts challenge every day anymore. im still gonna get to 100 days it just wont be every day posting 

j*b

 lowkey jealous of people in school who get jobs with their friends. i overhear multiple people talk about it,, friends who plan on working together or they invite their friend to their workplace and somehow get hired together

it would be way more fun/reassuring to work with a friend or someone you know 😓esp if its a boring and repetitive position. im gonna be so scared when i get a job bro😭💔talking to people and doing everything right and customers who will yell at you omfg.......

Day 10

All ts frames just for 1.8 seconds bruh SAVE ME 

fashion/individualism

 i saw this one video where a person was at the mall and pointed out how everyone is wearing the same exact clothes now. and its so true. the people in the video were wearing those mf ug slippers and sweats. everyone in my school dresses the same exact way. at least 80% of people in my school!!! the ug slippers. sweatpants (mostly) but also jeans. and the girls all wear the exact same type of black leggings 😭

this is basically
the school uniform atp

bruhh what happened to individuality in fashion. everyone is like clones of each other. i can literally only think of 2 people who dressed very outside the norm throughout my entire high school career 💀when i was in 9th grade there was this girl who dressed gothic, she wore this extravagant black dress every day, along with the typical makeup style and a lacy black parasol. and currently ik this one 9th grader who dresses in a sort of toned-down decora style. 

also speaking of clothes like this is kinda weird to me personally about dressing so casually at school. people also tend to wear pajamas a lot, its very normalized. i dont necessarily care if others do but i could never feel comfortable wearing literal pajama pants to school 💔even wearing sweatpants feels weird. idk if this is a hot take but jeans are basically the comfortable bottoms imo. as long as theyre not new/stiff i could wear jeans anywhere for any period of time.

anyway its ok if you want to dress more basic or comfortably but everyone is dressed the exact same way. there's literally no differences. its like a cult. tbh i cant talk much bc i dress pretty boring too even tho its not the ug/loungewar combo😭i cant wait to change up my style later when i live alone and have money tho

Day 9

Ayoo i finally reached flour sack exercises. ts choppy asf but whatever 😭

Day 8

didnt get to learn anything new today. working on animation for a school project i hate this vro 😭💔projects like this are genuinely so annoying. especially when we cant even work on them in class bc everything is banned!! also the pacing of ts pmo idk how to make separate clips different fps 

Day 7

 

i prefer the western style. japanese style is so snappy and fast. tbh tho i think its not supposed to be so consecutive like i did so it looks faster than it should be. 1-2 would look better 

Journal

 random dump of stuff 

- i finally finished this long ahh book called "the radium girls" - it was literally 900+ pages on libby bro. took so long to finish but i finally did it 😭🙏 thinking about writing an actual review for this later but idk

- my blog would be so barren without my animation thing rn bruh i want to post more but i never have the time/energy to write my stuff out 😭so im doing this 

- also at my school they were giving out free books for some reason and i snagged 4 >:) i already read one of them before but i remember it was good so ill re-read it sometime. itll be good to read physical books more 

- learned my first riff on guitar today yayy. im excited to learn some more complicated riffs soon 

Day 6

 

Almost at a week :D 

Day 5

 

simple one for today :D i cant wait to get past beginner exercises. idk what imma animate tho cuz ill have no guide lol 

Animation Day 4

bro why is animation uniractualowkenuinely so hard ts frying me bruh. man also i need to re-learn perspective again skull emoji 

birds

 i really want to befriend crows and/or ravens sometime. they are so cute and intelligent. it would be really cool to have a bird friend :-) hoping wherever i go to college has a lot of crows/ravens. i will feed them nuts and seeds every day 🙏 sometimes i see crows around here but not often ,.. they always fly away when i get too close 

Animation Day 3

 

Drawing chains is hard af and animating them is even harder 💀dont look at the top of my animation its choppy af 

Animation Day 2

 

Day 2 😭😭more balls 🤑i cant wait to figure ts program out. something is wrong with this animation but idk how to fix it cuz the program wont work right ?? like it wont delete the frames i want it to and stuff

Animation Day 1

I found out today that procreate dreams had an update. apparently its much better now. so im gonna try to properly learn animation yayy :-) im gonna try to animate every day for 100 days and post on my blog so i have an archive somewhere. so far its kinda hard becuase i need to learn the program and also my screen is cracked asf and keeps slowly spreading so its blocking some of the features i need to see 💀but the actual animation wasnt hard.

 also ts animation thing kinda perfect rn cuz i basically lost all motivation to draw for some reason 😭literally the last time i took drawing seriously was for my art portfolio sigh and now idc about art that much. kinda ironic bc after i finished my portfolio i was all hyped up to draw and improve lol and now.. what happened bro

not another time post!

 bruhhhuhhg omg im actually spending more time on hobbies and not doomscrolling as much nowadays. i thought doing hobbies would make time pass more slower?? thats what everyone says. ngl to me it feels just as fast as doomscrolling 💀😭noooo... at least im being more productive with my time. but it still feels like the day is going by so quickly. i dont even have time to do all the hobbies i'd really like to in a day. i have to stay up to 1am just to do like 70% of what i wanna do in a day 🥀🤒

also im looking to finally get a job. and this is gonna suck up even more of my time. but i need money..,, to fund hobbies and stuff i want to do... ughhh wish i could win a powerball or smth 

english

 next quarter my eng class gonna do this essay assignment that im actually lowkirkinely looking forward to. basically we have to write a 4-page review on a movie or book. bruh ive never had this typa assignment before im so exciteddd. i want to watch more movies this year so ts perfect too. i have an entire doc filled with media i want to watch sometime. maybe i can use this experience to watch media more critically :DD i hope my analysis skills improve too 

my name PMO

 i have the weirdest name ever 😭how did my family come up with all ts oh my goodness gracious bro. 100% chance no one in the world has the same full name as me; my middle name doesnt even come up if i google it. its suposed to be korean but it doesnt sound korean at all too lmao

anyway the thing that pmo about my name (first mostly) is that no one can pronounce it or remember it ever 😭😭😭🥀 when i went to summer college the counselors there were tryna memorize everyone's names right. from what i saw they mostly got it down quickly for everyone but i was suffering. literally weeks into the program this one counselor especially. he couldnt remember my name for the life of him. my roommate and i had to check out before and after dinner every day and several days in a row i had to remind him like dawg you literally know mee 😢 i told you my name an hour ago!! 

its not even cuz i dont have an american name bc my roommate doesnt have an american name either but ppl had no problem with her😭im just forgettable ig 

#1 most annoying and common thing is attendance in school. especially with substitutes. they are always asking multiple times if they said my name right like bro just move on PLEASE we're only meeting once 💀💀 right before winter break this one sub kept asking me how to say my name. and i have a quiet voice right. so i kept yelling (or trying to) across the room and everyone was starting to look at me bc she wouldn't stop asking GOUHDDDJDD 😭😭💀💀😭💀💀☠️😭💔💔

ive been online friends with people who cant say/spell my name for weeks or even years of knowing me. lol. it truly is a curse when you name your child something weird. nowadays ppl naming their kids something crazy like "rafferty" or "teghn" or "lylyt yvyh yryhl" (all real btw). i feel so bad for these kids theyre gonna suffer and get bullied 

learning / hobbies

learning new stuff is lowkirkenuinely so fun.. being self taught is kinda hard but i dont want to ask for lessons for multiple hobbies cuz itll be so expensive so i gotta persevere 😭

for some reason playing guitar feels 100x more intuitive than when i last tried. and im genuinely improving with minimal practice like one session i cant play the chord well even with sheet music but next time i try i can, without any sheet music 🤯🤯

also learning some dancing too cuz why not. ts also difficult cuz i need to develop specific muscles. but the other day i reached some sort of flow state bc of this one move and it genuinely felt like i was floating. i literally felt weightless it was so weird and cool 

how life feels when you stop doomscrolling and start learning stuff 🕊️☘️🌼🌞🌷

dream schools

 how do people have dream schools for college broughh. ive prob said this before but in 8th grade there were people like this girl who already knew what college she wanted to go to and she even wore the school-themed merch 😭😭how are people so dead set on their #1 pick !!

every college has pros and cons so i couldnt really pick my dream/#1 college tbh. i kinda just wanna go somewhere thats diverse, not too cold and has lots of things nearby cuz its so boring where i live 😪

joeversary

 happy ashita no joe anniversary as well 

ngl its very fitting that anj's anniversary falls on new years. it matches the theme of improvement and 'for tomorrow' etc. also i went boxing today in honor of anj 

Happy New Year 2026!

 Happy new year everyone!!! yayyy new year!!! i checked my goals for this year and i completed 5/8 which is pretty good! some i only improved a little but thats ok. this year i have a lot of different goals and i hope i complete most of them and become a better person :) im excited for 2026!!! 

i wanted to draw smth but
 i gave up halfway thru lol

please goudd let my 2026 feel like this 😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏 please i need one good year and this would be the perfect year for a good one 

ngl this year was kinda... idk if i can say whether it was good or bad. there were a lot of bad times. and problems that are still persisting. but some good days too. i think most days were average. i mostly stopped using my daily journal so idk. since its the end of the year i can put those bad days behind me now ig.. anyway i have a good feeling about 2026 so girl whatever!