my name PMO

 i have the weirdest name ever 😭how did my family come up with all ts oh my goodness gracious bro. 100% chance no one in the world has the same full name as me; my middle name doesnt even come up if i google it. its suposed to be korean but it doesnt sound korean at all too lmao

anyway the thing that pmo about my name (first mostly) is that no one can pronounce it or remember it ever 😭😭😭🥀 when i went to summer college the counselors there were tryna memorize everyone's names right. from what i saw they mostly got it down quickly for everyone but i was suffering. literally weeks into the program this one counselor especially. he couldnt remember my name for the life of him. my roommate and i had to check out before and after dinner every day and several days in a row i had to remind him like dawg you literally know mee 😢 i told you my name an hour ago!! 

its not even cuz i dont have an american name bc my roommate doesnt have an american name either but ppl had no problem with her😭im just forgettable ig 

#1 most annoying and common thing is attendance in school. especially with substitutes. they are always asking multiple times if they said my name right like bro just move on PLEASE we're only meeting once 💀💀 right before winter break this one sub kept asking me how to say my name. and i have a quiet voice right. so i kept yelling (or trying to) across the room and everyone was starting to look at me bc she wouldn't stop asking GOUHDDDJDD 😭😭💀💀😭💀💀☠️😭💔💔

ive been online friends with people who cant say/spell my name for weeks or even years of knowing me. lol. it truly is a curse when you name your child something weird. nowadays ppl naming their kids something crazy like "rafferty" or "teghn" or "lylyt yvyh yryhl" (all real btw). i feel so bad for these kids theyre gonna suffer and get bullied 

senior year thoughts (school rant)

 was planning to do this right before the year actually started but forgor oops 

ok first of all its so crazy to me that im a senior now. i dont feel like one at all. i still remember being in 9th grade, and in french class there was this one senior i sat with. and i was thinking like wow i wonder what its like to be a senior!! thats so far away!! so grown up!! but time ended up passing really quickly, how am i a senior now.

wonder if ill be able to make friends this year... or at least improve my social skills. lowkey have the sinking feeling that this year will be just like the last ones. idk its so hard for me to change. sometimes i wonder if i find comfort in being miserable and alone cuz i always sabotage my chances and opportunities 💀 either that or i gaslit myself into thinking im okay being alone cuz i always used to tell myself i dont even need friends cuz they never last anyway and ive already survived being alone a lot (military child lore). 

anyway yeah only 2 days into the year but im already dreading it. i feel so anxious in class. everyone sitting around me already has friends and this year i dont really see anyone i want to be friends with. bro every year ive been at this school people have asked me if im new here because im so insignificant ☠️ except for the very first year i actually arrived, LITERALLY no one noticed me at all (sophomore year is the worst i swear). god omg i shouldve tried to talk more last year cuz there were people that i actually wanted to be friends with. and they were nice to me too😭😭 whats wrong with me broughhghgh. took the sat today and i even saw one of those people and he actually talked to me omg 💔💔 if i wasnt so damn shy i feel like we couldve been friends cuz we have similar personalities from what ive seen.

think senioritis is already hitting too man. i already kinda hate at least 2 of my classes. wish i could just take regular classes. and im always tired for some reason and falling asleep easily right after i get home (but never at bedtime smh my head). honestly kinda hoping this year just goes by really quickly so itll be over and done with (especially if i end up not making any friends). i hate high school so much, especially this school.. how tf did some people peak in hs. life is lowkey not worth it if you have SAD. feels like itll never get better sometimes tbh.

my biggest fantasy is for some extrovert to notice me and 'adopt' me 😭 how do other quiet people get this to happen to them!! 😭

ok this ended up being a huge vent ramble... maybe ill look at this post again once i graduate to see if i changed any or not. i hope i do... PLEASE FUTURE ME GET BETTER OR ILL BE COOKED IN THE REAL WORLD 😭😭😭🙏🙏💔🥀🥀!!!!